Movie Review: See No Evil (2006)

To Continue with the wrestlers in horror movie theme it seems right to watch the WWE production, See No Evil, starring Glenn Jacobs (a.k.a. Kane, The Big Red Machine, The Demon Kane, Corporate Kane, The Devil's Favorite Demon, Fake Diesel, Isaac Yankem DDS) as Jacob Goodnight. A brutal and deranged serial killer with a tattoo and bondage fetish, at least this is what the movie leads me to believe. Let's dive into this thing!

"Where the fuck is my pyro?"

 See No Evil has some grimy, dirty looking sets. They show you this very early in the credits to get you ready for it. Jeez it's filthy. This movie ain't fuckin' around either. Within the first five minutes before the credits even fully finish someone is hacked to death, another gets his arm cut off, a woman's eyes are torn out and another person is shot in the head. I also couldn't help but giggle at the director's name when it showed up here, you ready for this? Gregory Dark. This guy is trying very hard. From here though you begin too meet your cast. They are a group of juvenile delinquints whom I was begging the movie to start killing and I swear one of them is a forty year old man trying to pass for a teen. None of them are important or memorable and mostly jerks. There are a couple of point where they try and make the characters human, the women somewhat have characters and back story, the men are two dimensional dick heads. They are also massive idiots, with one group even following a treasure map of the hotel to their dooms, I'm pretty sure it shows up for no reason, but I was too blasted to really notice. I'd almost say this movie is like if the Scooby gang went to Oz. Not the magical land, the prison Oz.

"Ah. That's better."

About this point I noticed the musical score. It's a rap/hip hop deal and I have to say that it kinda works. The beats to the songs have a bit of creepy feel, just a touch of the spooky. I think it was a good risk that a lot of horror movies try but fall flat on. So now our cast is loaded up on the bus like so much meat and sent to their final resting place. A Death Hotel that would make H.H. Holmes proud that they have to fix up to reduce their jail time. This is a place the caretaker claims has hidden passages and two way mirrors. No normal person would fuck about in this place. A side note here is that if you watch this, I'm pretty sure there are just two roaches humping each other in the scene they arive. What the fuck, movie?

"I just wish someone would kill these assholes."

 This building is an awesome setting for a horror movie. It's like a dirty labyrinth and the minotaur is a seven foot tall pervert/murderer. They use some interesting camera work to make things look unreal whenever Jacob Goodnight is on screen. I'd almost call it jerky, but it's a little more than that, can't really place it. Glenn Jacobs is also really great it in his role. Gigantic, creepy, excellent facial expressions and imposing presence wherever he goes. Also being an athlete he doesn't look out of place chasing people and attacking them. Just a great fit. I believe him in this part.

"So the pointy end goes in the teens?"

The special effects. A big deal for me. They are great. Jacob Goodnight rips people's eyes out with his bare hands and it is visceral and gross. I'd actually say every bit of violence in this movie is. He takes no prisoners. The guy you think is the hero? Goodnight wastes him in five minutes. His own mother? Bashes her face onto a spike for being too much of a bitch. And when he digs that hook into people? Ugh. It all looks fantastic on the screen. Another thing I really appreciated, there aren't really any jump scares. The scenes where Goodnight shows up in a surprising place, he just walks out of a door or comes out of a panel. It's his house and he just walks where he damn well wants and it's way more effective that way. He almost kills these people with the casual aura of a guy getting the mail. There is also an amazing scene with a fire hose that I loved. You'll know what I mean. They were very creative with all the kills. There are actually some nice little details in See No Evil for you to spot.

"Hey, you're not Katie Vick..."

The plot isn't deep. The acting from the victims is average to terrible. It has a twist so telegraphed that I saw it a mile away, even with a good amount of beers running through me. But on the whole I really liked See No Evil. It's stupid fun and a pretty original feeling slasher. I couldn't help but enjoy everything I saw on the screen. It also doesn't force you to sit and wait for the action. There aren't any dull moments. There is also a sequel that just had the trailer revealed. I'm excited for it too. Go pick this one up for a watch, if you like slashers you could do so much worse. So to keep myself from rambling, I'm gonna go look up more horror with wrestlers because it's been damn entertaining. Until next time, don't be a afraid to be a little scary.